Before I had started, I decided to get the daily oracle cards out for the general public. As has been popping up for myself quite a bit and for some of my clients and family members, "Breath" made its appearance again....reminding us to breathe deeply and not hold our breaths. I even made a comment about it on my website Facebook page because the message was not lost on me. I didn't realize, however, that today's lesson was not over with.
Those familiar with the P90X know that this program is no joke! And the Yoga X is unlike any other yoga. It's more like yoga on steroids. So I was not expecting to have a meditation during the time when I'm shaking like a leaf, twisting like a pretzel, and trying to hold a downward dog after so many Ashtunga Sun Salutations. Suddenly my mind went blank and I heard "BREATHE". I became aware that I was basically holding my breath. With my eyes closed, I tried to deepen my inhales.
Then I heard, "When you breathe shallowly or hold your breath, you are afraid of life."
Huh? In my mind, I argued that I was not afraid of life. I loved life and see it as one grand adventure. The voice held firm, however, and said I was afraid. I was shown images of myself and other people who did not breathe very deeply. I saw how despite all my bravado....maybe I was afraid of life. After all, was I branching out as far as I can? Wasn't I just merely taking baby steps into my purpose and not just going all out? Wow. I never realized that could be considered a fear of life, but the voice was right. I was reaching out slowly to ensure my safety along the way and trying to find guarantees of success along the way. Reaching out, pulling back, reaching out, pulling back. Ugh. No wonder I pulled the "Leap of Faith" and "Risk" cards for myself. I did not trust the Divine if I was not fully diving into life.
So I started taking deeper breaths as I usually do when I become cognizant of light breathing or holding my breath. Then, with my eyes still closed, I heard, "You also do not exhale deeply. You are not only afraid of life, but you are afraid of giving yourself in life."
Whoa. Wait a minute. In the last few months I have swallowed all my concerns and old beliefs and decided to give of myself once again after nearly a year of pulling back. The voice was being unfair. I was then shown how I only give myself.....again when I feel safe to do so. Hmmmmmmm.....I had noticed when I don't breathe in very deeply, but I never paid much attention to the exhale. I could see now how that tied into the giving of my breath, and self, back out into the world.
I let out a long deep breath, which was still pretty shallow by most standards. I tried to breathe in deeply as the blood was rushing to my head. I realized I was feeling overwhelmed by all the air coming in. What should be totally natural was very uncomfortable to me because I was not used to it. I even began to feel a little panicky by the different sensations deep breathing brought. As I went through the yoga moves, however, I finally began to settle into it.
Nothing more came to me after until I went into the corpse pose. I almost felt weepy as my body felt total release. I had come into the "I AM" where there was nothing. As I sat up to go into the lotus pose and listen to the OMs resounding from the TV screen with my eyes closed, I was suddenly shown a vision of my crown opening up wide. White light burst upward and I saw streams of light reach out. I saw the streams arc and spiral out far and wide, goin past my house and town.
I grew uncomfortable when I noticed the streams reaching across the world and traveling towards a few people I have been unhappy with. I didn't know what to expect and almost opened my eyes. I finally decided to ride with it and saw the streams enter the hearts of these people and make a connection. Their eyes opened wide as their heart chakras were touched, and suddenly I didn't feel unhappiness anymore. I felt compassion and love for them. And most of all, forgiveness. I was beginning to love this meditation.
Then I noticed one stream of light shoot across the U.S. and toward someone who has been very difficult. I was not surprised to see her try to bat away the stream trying to go to her heart chakra, but it made the connection anyway. She then began to cry, scream, and curse at the stream. She was being very resistant and I wanted to pull the light away because I was feeling so terribly vulnerable, hurt, and didn't want to be connected to such rejection and hatred. No such luck, though. I was stuck. Then something wonderful happened. Beautiful shades of aura colors began pulsating through this stream of light and flowing straight to her heart. She suddenly quit fighting and began sobbing. I realized in that moment that she was just as vulnerable as I was, and that both of us had been fighting in exposing that part of us. Vulnerability leaves us open to everything, but without it, we could never get the full effect of healing. How can you heal what has been walled off? Instead of being upset with her, I realized we were both hurting due to the lies and circumstances brought about by another who had acted selfishly. As with the others, I found compassion and love.....even though she was still not ready.
As I came out of the meditation when the yoga was done, I felt total peace. I realized this is a meditation we can all do when we need to heal in relationships with others. Envision opening up, exposing our vulnerability (which is truly a gift, rather than a curse), and then allowing our light to reach out to others and touch them. It doesn't matter if it would be well received outside of the meditation or not. What matters is that you open yourself up to believe and see it happening, as thoughts carry great power and energy. And with time, it is so. As the old song goes, "Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me."
